When we judge another person’s feelings, we do not directly read their mind. We often begin by simulating “How would I feel?” and then adjust for differences between us. The difficulty is that the simulation starts from the self as it is now. Someone who has just exercised and feels thirsty may carry that urgency for water into an estimate of what another person needs.
Van Boven and Loewenstein induced thirst through exercise in some participants, then asked them whether lost hikers would be more troubled by hunger or thirst. Participants’ own temporary drive state systematically influenced their estimates, and analysis indicated that predictions about how they themselves would feel contributed to the effect. This is described as social projection of a transient drive state and can also be understood within the broader framework of hot–cold empathy gaps.
It does not follow that a thirsty person must be wrong, or that all empathy is merely self-projection. Experimental manipulation, hypothetical scenarios and self-report can support a causal claim, but they do not reproduce an entire real caring relationship. Familiarity with the other person, objective cues and direct questions may all correct the bias.
A more reliable judgement does not require somehow emptying the self. It means treating one’s current state as information that may need correction: has my own hunger, thirst, pain or anger been mistaken for evidence about the other person? Perspective-taking matters, but it should move from “How would I feel?” to “What is this person actually showing and saying?”
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15189611/
https://www.andrew.cmu.edu/user/gl20/GeorgeLoewenstein/Papers_files/pdf/vb_loew_2003.pdf
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