Why Do Australians Say It This Way? · Season One: Hearing More Than the Literal Words · Article 9
You are having lunch with a group of colleagues for the first time and accidentally order the most elaborate meal at the table. Someone looks at your plate:
“Very fancy. Didn’t know we had royalty joining us.”
The others laugh. You produce a small laugh of your own while beginning an internal calculation. Are they including me, or do they think I am pretentious?
Teasing, banter, taking the mickey and various apparently unfriendly jokes can indeed express closeness in Australian interaction. Friends may avoid a formal series of compliments and instead seize on a harmless feature to make fun of. The idea that “teasing means they like you”, however, supplies only half of the truth. A joke can also exclude, humiliate or exploit a difference in power. Saying just joking does not automatically reverse its effects.
Pretending to offend while achieving real closeness
Linguist Michael Haugh uses jocular mockery for a recognisable practice in which somebody ostensibly cuts another person down while participants frame the action as non-serious.
A friend sees that you have arrived two minutes late:
“Good of you to finally turn up.”
If they say it with a smile and you answer Had to make an entrance, neither person treats the exchange as formal discipline. The small “attack” confirms that the relationship does not require constant careful courtesy.
A successful joke cannot be declared by the speaker alone
The person who starts a joke does not have sole authority to decide what it becomes. The target’s response continually reshapes the action.
In a successful exchange, the target usually has room to participate. They may laugh, exaggerate the assigned role, make fun of themselves, or respond immediately:
“Nice shirt, mate. Lose a bet?”
“Still better than yours.”
The reciprocal answer gives the interaction a degree of balance. Both people understand the game and have some ability to stop.
Being “able to take a joke” depends on shared history
The same line carries different risks when spoken by an old friend or a new colleague.
Friends of many years know which experiences are available for humour and which are not. They also have a record of supporting each other. A joke about one person forgetting their keys can remain light inside that history. A newcomer has none of that credit. Immediate jokes about accent, body, family or competence can cross a line before a relationship exists to hold them.
Australian ideals of not taking oneself too seriously give self-mockery and mutual cutting-down an attraction. They can prevent one person from claiming excessive status and reduce formality within a group. Demanding that somebody prove they are “not bothered”, though, converts the same ideal into pressure. Disliking a category of joke does not show that a person lacks humour, and it does not show a refusal to belong in Australia.
First ask whether the exchange is reciprocal
There is no universal checklist, but reciprocity is one of the most useful clues.
The first is reciprocity. Is the same person always the target? If several participants can initiate and respond, the joke is more likely to be a shared game. If the most powerful person mocks everyone else but cannot tolerate a reply, we all do it is not a convincing defence.
What can you say when you are unsure?
If you suspect somebody is joking but cannot read it, you do not have to force a laugh. You can check lightly:
“Are you having me on?”
“I can’t tell if you’re joking.”
The first is a familiar Australian way to ask whether somebody is teasing you. The second is direct and equally valid.
Do not use “Australian culture” as a licence
Newcomers sometimes learn that banter is a path to inclusion and rush to practise cutting other people down. A safer beginning is self-directed humour or a joke about a harmless, shared situation, not the selection of another person’s vulnerability.
Build the relationship first. Observe how the other person responds and leave them an unpunished way not to participate. Do not turn somebody’s accent into material. If a joke relies on ethnicity, gender, disability or trauma, laughter in the room is not proof that no harm occurred.
There is no automatic translation between affection and disrespect
An Australian teasing you may indeed signal that the relationship is becoming closer. A small performance of offence can mean, “We know each other well enough not to protect every sentence perfectly.”
It may also be a test of how much a newcomer will accept, or a way to entertain bystanders at your expense. A mate, a laugh, or the phrase just joking cannot decide between them automatically.
Relationships change as well. A joke accepted yesterday may not be welcome today. Hearing a newly stated boundary is more capable of preserving closeness than appealing to past laughter.
Primary sources and further reading
- Michael Haugh, “Jocular Mockery as Interactional Practice in Everyday Anglo-Australian Conversation”
- Michael Haugh and Derek Bousfield, “Mock Impoliteness, Jocular Mockery and Jocular Abuse in Australian and British English”
- Valeria Sinkeviciute, “What Makes Teasing Impolite in Australian and British English?”
Continue reading: Why Do Australians Say It This Way? — Series overview
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